her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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