I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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