Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
