i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't deserve a penis
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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