I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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