I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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