Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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