He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
