She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
