my phone needs a breathalizer
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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