My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
