This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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