1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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