I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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