So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
