May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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