every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
