Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
