dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
