You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
