I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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