I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
