My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
