I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sext me about skeletons
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
