its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
