fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
