fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
