i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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