Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
