That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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