we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
