I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
