her vagine was all disorganized.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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