help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
