On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
