I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
