but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
