dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
