We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
