I didn't shave. On purpose
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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