I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
