I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
