no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just found a bag of teeth...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
