i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
