Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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