Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
