I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
