just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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