A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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