Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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