I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
