I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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